When it Rains it Snows

4/6/17 As we sang happy birthday to our baby girl who was turning 4 and recorded the memory on my iPhone 6plus, I couldn’t help but think about how hard and sad and hurtful it would be to look back on this very moment in a few years when she’s gone. Only a week before had we lost our beloved 14 year old dog Snow so forgive me for my pessimistic mindset. She was a fluffy white Bichon whose spirit animal could have easily been a bear. I had only known snow for five years. My partner and her mother already had a dog when I moved in. Snow was courageous and protective and so loving. If you asked her to dance she would get up on her hind legs… for the right treat of course. And, if you asked for a hug she would tilt her head to the side and lay it across your chest. Snow was amazing. My partner has taken the loss hard. When snow fell ill it took all of us by surprise. We’re dealing. She will truly be missed. We now have one dog. She’s a 4 year old Akita mix. As we celebrate her birthday we also celebrate the life of her playmate, our friend, and companion. I wallow in thoughts of loss and for that reason we celebrate life.

When a monster calls 

My hope for his survival hid behind my knowing of his death like a knight shielded behind a Great Wall. Clutching his truth like the shiny sword that he carried for the battle. Gripped tightly like the cold steel doorknob on his hospital door. The stench of death on the battlefield. And the war almost over. He lay there defeated. And I stand over him. All hope lost for my soon to be fallen comrad. My dad. My pop. Later he would be no longer be and I, the would be knight would quiver behind the Great Wall. Protected only by the thought that the war has finished. And the suffering be over. For him. 

Crazy in love? 

Dictionary.com defines crazy as [krey-zee] 
adjective, crazier, craziest.

1.

mentally deranged; demented; insane.

2.

senseless; impractical; totally unsound:

a crazy scheme.

After reading a blog post from fellow blogger Jahlil Tahree I have to say that I agree with his definition of crazy but I think there’s more to it. Let me elaborate a little.

I think there is an extremely thin line between “good crazy” and stupidity. “Good Crazy” in terms of relationships is going on adventures with your partner even when they seem out of place or believing in his/her dreams even when they seem far fetched to the “normal” person. “Good crazy” for relationships could be the thoughts you have when no one is around and you even think to yourself “I’m losing my mind” but somehow your partner relates in every way. The “good crazy” in a relationship is sticking by a person because somehow life just makes more sense together.

Stupidity begins to enter that scenario when those adventures or thoughts become damaging or somehow negatively impact the relationship. For example, you shouldn’t be stuck supporting someone who has caused you to miss out on your dreams or go into debt. That’s not crazy that’s just dumb. Like I said, thin line.

Good crazy has everything to do with a person’s state of mind though. On the other hand, I think the bad crazy is a mix of state of mind and actions. Negative, destructive actions and a mind set that sees absolutely nothing wrong with them. Where’s the good in that?

I will be the first to openly say that I am crazy. In a relationship crazy is best matched with crazy. But, I’ve heard some people say there’s levels to it. Are there?  

I am her

A rhythm so smooth a beat so perfect. The right tempo, the right flow. The sweetest melody I had ever heard. Her heart played a song so sweet. A song so angelic. I lay my head on her chest. And the beats play the song of her very existence. As I press against her, it speeds up with anticipation and excitement. I kiss her lips and with no lyrics at all that sweet love song is everything I want to hear. My heart follows and in sync they mimic one another. I am her.