Grad School hopeful

Help Get me to grad school. I am working on finalizing my admission into grad school for human services. Help me help people. It’s that simple. Click the link and please donate. Peace. 

Broke college poet

What do you do when you find out that the classes you thought were paid for by financial aid will now be paid from your penniless pockets? You write. You write until your fingers fall off and you no longer know the meaning of your own words. Yes! 
To anyone reading this. I’m currently working on a hopeful and barely there book as well as poetry while trying to finish up school.
Ps. Yes, this is poetry
Signed,
broke college poet

My first time

I’ve been long gone from both of my blogs for a good amount of time. I graduated, switched jobs, and went back to school. And while all of that was going on I managed to perform at a spoken word event, which is what this blog is centered around. 
I figured with going back to school and all the writing I’m being forced to do I should squeeze in some therapeutic writing as well. So, here I am. I’m taking a poetry course this semester and during our first session today we did a free write. You sit and write for about 5-10 mins and don’t think. You simply write what ever comes to mind with no regard for spelling or grammar. Choosing a prompt helps. 

Our prompt was : An intense feeling I had recently. Many who know me or follow this blog know I love words, reading, writing and poetry. But as I mentioned I had the wonderful opportunity to perform. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. It was also my first performance. Here’s my free write on that night. 

An intense experience I had recently was performing at a spoken word event. The whole hour leading to my name being called, I was nervous. My palms were sweating and I kept hoping that soon my gf and I would get up and leave. I kept listening and the more I heard from other performers the more I hated the piece I was going to perform. I didn’t feel worthy (We are all our toughest critic). After someone would finish I felt tremendous anxiety fill my being as I hoped that my name wouldn’t be next. Finally, it was. My body felt empty but heavy and the room was silent. I recited my Instagram name the way I had practice and said “follow me”. first line of my piece and the rest effortlessly spilled from my lips with the most emotion I had ever felt. The crowd was snapping and whispering and the moment was euphoric and orgasmic. The last line was spoken and I felt as light as a feather. MY LEGS WERE SPAGHETTI BUT IT WAS AN AMAZING FEELING. ALMOST ROMANTIC. I can’t wait for the next date. I had never recanted that night on paper and as I wrote it those same shifts in weighted feelings and energy came back to me. Body hot and fiery! 

Once we reach the time limit we were asked to choose 1-2 lines that stuck out to us. That would be the above words in all caps. The goal is to combine everyone’s stand out lines into a poem which the professor will jumble and hand back to us so that we can create a poem of our own. A “found” poem. This exercise was awesome. Because looking at that line alone is poetry to me. I think I could really make this a daily thing. 

Nice catching up. Until next time… Peace

If it ain’t one thing it’s anotherĀ 

“If it ain’t one thing it’s another”
The phrase that speaks volumes about destruction that takes place when you feel like you’ve taken one step forward only to be knocked two, three or four steps back flat on your ass with dusty back pockets. 

I’m the unlucky gal currently sitting on the ground with dusty pockets. No worries, I’ll be dusting myself off come the end of the week but right now I can’t help but to dwell on my list of unfortunate events. The purpose of this post is to give myself a pep talk and to possibly lift the spirits of anyone who might read this. 

In life people always stress how unimportant money is. “It can’t buy love, memories” etc. well dammit money sure can do a whole lot of other things that makes all of those topics possible. And it sure does become a factor when you don’t have enough to take care of what seems to be simple necessities in life. I’m a broke college poet. I work full time and go to school full time and I never have money. I know plenty of people who can relate to that. But I’m okay with being broke as long as my bills are paid. It’s the mishaps that come up when I have no money and the bills are paid that seem to sit just a little uncomfortably with me. For instance, I paid all of my bills early this month. This week I’m broke with just enough for lunch and gas. And then, the car breaks down.

There I was this morning sitting on the side of the boulevard. Across from a smoking vehicle MATHIS. Gravel under my shoes and ants attempting to crawl all over me. Of course I was upset because I’m still on a probationary period for my new job and I have school later tonight. Not to mention I am supposed to work overtime tomorrow and have class again at night as well. Needless to say I’m a busy woman but nothing gets done if I don’t have a car. And the car doesn’t get fixed if I don’t have the funds. 

Sounds like a lot of complaining but actually I’ve looked on the bright side of all this. I work and go to school and needed a day off. The extra shifts this week will cover my current call out. And I’m using the day to complete home errands and write. Which for me is what I hope will lead me to some money eventually. So, personal time equals more writing. Writing equals full blog, more content and a happy me! 

The energy in the world has a very mysterious way of working itself out but nothing is ever ALL BAD. And if it is, it’s not for long. 

25 with a side of meltdown

I had a meltdown last night. About school, among other things in my life. Completing my Associates degree was huge for me. But as soon as I had finished I knew it wasn’t enough. And then life and reality started hitting me soon after I made the decision to continue for my bachelors. Despite the many obstacles during this everlasting journey to finish school, I’ve held on. And people commend me for that. People admire my drive and my courage. That alone would be enough to keep me going were there not these little voices in my head saying “what were you thinking?” “why did you go back?” School has put a severe burden on not just my social and personal life but my financial status as well. And yesterday, that all set in. Not being able to go on our bi-weekly dates this weekend due to bills and a change in employment made me extremely angry. And the voices began to marinate in my head. As I lay there last night next to Yonna (my partner) I said,
    “I have no money, why didn’t I just call it quits?” I could be working and making us tons of money. School has been nothing but struggle and burden in my life. I’ve spent so many years in school and it’s holding me back. We can’t go out when we want, take vacations when we want. I just turned 25 and I’ve never had a chance to act my age!”
And then, as any loving woman would do, she calmed my nerves by rubbing my back and said “all you put into your education will be worth it. Right now you’re in a stage of sacrifice and soon, you’ll be able to eat the fruits of your labor.” I couldn’t have said it better myself! She’s exactly right I thought. I’m getting bent out of shape because I can’t blow money and be the careless 25 year old I see around me everyday (not all, but some). I’ve been grounded. I’m realizing that getting my bachelors is a step in the right direction to reaching long terms goals. I’ll be able to afford a break, I’ll be able to write and work at my own pace without the interruption of school. School is not holding me back. It’s pushing me forward and helping me progress. 
I’m thankful for the people who cheer me on. And I’m thankful to a higher being for giving me the strength and courage to push forward. Besides, I’m too young for meltdowns! I just turned 25 for crying out loud.